Disclaimer Underground Comedy presents Mia Jackson at the Magnetic Field on Tues., June 14

Proudly bringing Atlanta comedian Mia Jackson back to Asheville following her well-received performance at the 2010 Laugh Your Asheville Off festival, Disclaimer Underground Comedy is pleased to announce the next step in its quest to bring the best and brightest quickly-rising comedians from around the Southeast to Asheville audiences.

Mia Jackson will headline the Disclaimer Underground Comedy show at Magnetic Field (in the River Arts District) on Tuesday, June 14, at 8 p.m. Tickets will be available at the door for $7. This is a great chance to see a full performance from Mia before her featured return to the 2011 Laugh Your Asheville Off festival, which will take place July 12 through July 16.

Mia Jackson, a native of Columbus, Georgia and a self-proclaimed know-it-all, often finds herself literally the center of attention among family and friends. At six feet tall and with an explosive sense of humor, she’s always the life of the party.

Mia has appeared on Oxygen’s "Girls Behaving Badly" and TLC’s "Wild Weddings." She was also a writer on BET/Centric’s relaunch of the Soul Train Awards in 2009. In addition to playing comedy clubs around the country, Mia has become a crowd favorite at events such as Laughing Skull Festival, the Punchline Comedy Contest and Laugh Your Asheville Off.

Mia is a diverse comedian with a different voice and perspective. Her energetic conversational style leaves the audience feeling refreshed and as if they have known her forever. To learn more about Mia, please visit www.miajackson.com.

Joining Mia on stage will be fellow Atlanta comedian Jamille Harley, Greenville comedians Michael Robinette and Justin Blackburn, and host Allie Steinhoff.

The Magnetic Field is located in the Glen Rock Depot, at 372 Depot Street, in the River Arts District of Asheville, NC. The Magnetic Field has a full bar and dining menu with indoor/outdoor café seating, and features a separate 64-seat jewel-box theatre.

For more information, please visit "Disclaimer Underground Comedy" on Facebook or call 828.301.9301 for more details.

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Joe Zimmerman presented by Disclaimer Underground Comedy

Disclaimer Underground Comedy presents Joe Zimmerman at The Magnetic Field on June 7, 2011

Disclaimer Underground Comedy is proud to host Asheville's own Joe Zimmerman, a fan favorite around the Southeast who's quickly making a name for himself around the country with his likeable demeanor and sharp, original material.

Joe Zimmerman will perform at The Magnetic Field (in Asheville's River Arts District) on Tuesday, June 7, at 8 p.m. Tickets will be available at the door for $7.

Named Charlotte’s "Comedian of the Year" by Creative Loafing in 2006, Joe has rapidly become known at the national level for his likable stage demeanor and original material.

In 2007 he was named “Stand-Out Stand-Up” at the Laugh Your Asheville Off Comedy festival, and in 2009 he was nominated by Rooftop Comedy for the Golden Shingle Award — given to the most outstanding rising stars in the country. In the same year, Punchline Magazine wrote that he was one of the top comics to emerge from the NC Comedy Arts Festival.

In 2009 he formed a tour with the Beards of Comedy, who recorded their debut CD “Comedy for People,” which is played regularly on Sirius-XM radio, and available on iTunes. In 2011, Joe placed first in the prelims & quarterfinals of the Laughing Skull Festival, and advanced to the semi-finals.

Opening for Joe Zimmerman will be Laugh Your Asheville Off founder and beloved former Ashevillian Greg Brown. Known for his likable demeanor and impeccable sense of timing, Greg has been creating rapport with audiences everywhere, rapidly developing his own fan base. He has appeared with some of the largest comedic performers in the country including Todd Barry, Bert Kreischer, Alonzo Bodden and many more.

Joining them on the show will be Cary Goff, Tom Scheve (editor of Asheville Disclaimer), Pat Hinson and host Art Sturtevant.

The following week (Tuesday, June 14), Disclaimer Underground Comedy presents Atlanta's Mia Jackson. Mia has appeared on Oxygen’s "Girls Behaving Badly" and TLC’s "Wild Weddings." She was also a writer on BET/Centric’s relaunch of the Soul Train Awards in 2009. In addition to playing comedy clubs around the country, Mia has become a crowd favorite at events such as Laughing Skull Festival, the Punchline Comedy Contest and Laugh Your Asheville Off.

Joining Mia on stage will be fellow Atlanta comedian Jamille Harley, Michael Robinette, Justin Blackburn and host Allie Steinhoff.

The Magnetic Field is located in the Glen Rock Depot, at 372 Depot Street, in the River Arts District of Asheville, NC. The Magnetic Field has a full bar and dining menu with indoor/outdoor café seating, and features a separate 64-seat jewel-box theatre.

For more information, please visit "Disclaimer Underground Comedy" on Facebook or call 828.301.9301 for more details.

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Stand-up comedy at The Magnetic Field, TUES March 8: Carlos Valencia/Matt White & special guests

What: The Magnetic Field in the River Arts District has launched Magnetic Comedy, a weekly Tuesday-night comedy series sponsored by Asheville Disclaimer that aims to bring the best and brightest in live-performance comedy onto a stage the River Arts District is proud to call its own.

Who: Carlos Valencia and Matt White, two stand-up comedia...ns making names for themselves in the Atlanta comedy scene, will be performing at The Magnetic Field on Tuesday, March 8, 2011. John Cook (Asheville) and Boris Bearclaw (Boone) — two up-and-coming comedians you shouldn't miss — will perform guest spots. Jason Farr, universally regarded as the most handsome man in Greenville, SC, will host the show.

When: Tuesday, March 8. Show starts at 8 p.m.

Venue: The Magnetic Field is The River Arts District's cafe, bar, and performance house. Located in the Glen Rock Depot building, it's open for lunch Monday-Friday, and dinner and late night Monday-Saturday. Come early to grab dinner or a drink at the Magnetic Field, then get a good seat for the show. Drinks purchased in the bar can be brought into the theater.

372 DEPOT STREET
Asheville, NC 28801
http://www.themagneticfield.com/
(828) 257-4003

Tickets: $7 at the door.

More info:

Carlos Valencia
Web site: http://carlosvcomedy.com/
Twitter: carlos_valencia

Named "Standout Comic" at Laugh Your Asheville Off comedy festival, Carlos Valencia has inspired millions to follow the way of the tiger.

Through years of rigorous comedy research at Carlos Valencia World Headquarters R&D Institute, Valencia's line of cutting edge jokes have set new standards in stand-up quality. His comedic leadership in the field of enhanced joke telling techniques manages to make audiences laugh at rates that meet and often exceed the industry average.

Carlos' patented atomic comedic timing has been tested to far exceed the latest precision standards set forth by the Congrès Internationale de Comédie in Bhutan, Asia. His state-of-the-art timing accuracy is designed to lose no more than one millisecond every 273 years.

Valencia's appreciation for the art of comedy has led him to consistently win over the appreciation of both veteran comics and comedy audiences nationwide.

Matt White
http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/comics/MattWhite

Matt White is a comedic tour-de-farce. After realizing he wasn't good at real jobs, his insatiable appetite for outside validation and approval led him to begin performing stand-up comedy in 2009. He has quickly become a favorite of the Atlanta comedy scene. Especially adept at finding the humor in funny things, his comedy has been described as "soft spoken but hard hitting."

Upcoming shows at The Magnetic Theater:

Tuesday, March 15: Jeremy Peirce and Danny Swifft w/ special guests Petey Smith-McDowell and Tom Emmons

Tuesday, March 22: The Beards of Comedy

Tuesday, March 29: Magnetic Comedy w/ Mondy Carter, Karen Stobbe, Josh Batenhorst, & Tom Chalmers (sketch/improv)

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Disclaimer Underground Comedy Series proudly announces the imminent arrival of The Rubber & Glue Tour

What: The Highland Brewing Co.'s Disclaimer Underground Comedy Series presents The Rubber & Glue Tour (no cover).

When: Wed., Feb. 2, 2010. 9 p.m.

Where: Athena's in downtown Asheville (14 College St., directly next door to Tupelo Honey).

Who: Rubber and Glue Comedy Tour — "Immaturity at its immaturest" — featuring Katie Hughes, Chris Weathers, Michael Robinette, and Justin Blackburn, with a guest spot from Craig Koenekoop, "UNCA's dopest comedian."

Disclaimer Stand-up Lounge presented by Highland Brewing Company, a weekly comedy night that takes place Wednesday nights at Athena's in downtown Asheville, welcomes The Rubber & Glue Tour as the next act of the 2011 Disclaimer Underground Comedy Series.

"While most Wednesdays are open mics at Athena's, we've begun hosting on a monthly basis featured shows by extremely talented and funny comedians who may not yet be on your radar, but certainly deserve to be," said Tom Scheve, a writer and performer who helps organize Disclaimer Stand-up Lounge along with fellow Asheville Disclaimer writer and comedian Cary Goff. "We're proud to host The Rubber & Glue Tour, and as fans of great comedy we can't wait to see the show. All the performers in this tour are comedians who are making names for themselves around the South, and it's only time before they break through on a much larger level."

Previous featured performers at Disclaimer Stand-up Lounge include Rory Scovel and Dave Waite, and Scheve hopes to continue introducing Asheville fans of stand-up comedy to quickly rising comedians and regional comedy tours.

"As it turns out, a bar full of couches loaded down with drunken freeloaders isn't enough — you need a stage and then you need someone really funny on that stage," said Scheve, breaking down the elements of the Disclaimer Underground Comedy Series. "A microphone, and a mic stand. You're going to need an amp. It's quite a production, and I could go on and on. A cord."

Scheve proudly points out that this underground comedy series is "probably the most underground of any underground comedy series outside of a collapsed mine shaft that features delirium, a miracle-trove of grain alcohol, and rising carbon monoxide levels."

The Rubber & Glue Tour will begin at 9 p.m. on Wed., Feb. 2, and is sponsored by Asheville Disclaimer and Highland Brewing Company.


More info: No cover, 18 +, doors open at 7 p.m. First come, first seated.

Web site: http://rubberandglue.tumblr.com/

Facebook: "Disclaimer Stand-up Lounge"

Contact organizer: Tom Scheve, 828.216.2331 or tomscheve@gmail.com

More about:

Katie Hughes has been in Laugh Your Asheville Off and was a finalist in the Funniest Person in the Carolinas competition. Katie Hughes is a perfect blend of smart and silly, making her a comic's comic and an audience favorite. Katie’s wild imagination and energetic irreverence make her a force to be reckoned with on stage.

Chris Weathers is a righteously indignant doofus with a baby’s brain. Chris provides an offbeat vibrance that works perfectly with his gleeful jokes.

Michael Robinette possesses a magnetic personality that makes him impossible to ignore. With his quirky observations and wide range of emotion and energy Michael is capable of connecting with any audience.

Justin Blackburn is one of the most original comedians in the Southeast, with material ranging from grilled cheese sandwiches to talking with demons in the street. He was also voted Upstate Poet Of The Year in The Beat Magazine in 2007.

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I always get depressed around Kwanzaa time

Bells are ringing, do-rags are hanging from the mantle and grandma is dusting off her dashiki — it’s Kwanzaa time again.

However, instead of feeling uplifted by the spirit of Kwanzaa, I start feeling down. It happens every year. I don’t know what it is. I should be happy — everyone is singing Kwanzaa carols and taking pan-African pride in themselves, yet I’m moping around during what, for most Americans, is the most special made-up holiday of the year.

But why did the holiday’s founder, Ron Karenga, have to choose wintertime as an arbitrary season to have Kwanzaa? What the hell is so African about freezing rain? I wish he had picked Easter or some other sunny-seasoned white holiday to try and usurp.

Making matters worse, my birthday just so happens to fall on — you guessed it — December 25, the day before Kwanzaa starts. Just my luck, right?

For me, Kwanzaa is just Freaknik with guilt. While everyone else is celebrating their African heritage, I start resenting the entire continent for making me buy gifts.

Usually, my friends and relatives figure out that I haven’t put much thought into it. For instance, last year, I gave my grandmother a “Larry the Cable Guy” DVD that I bought myself on MLK day the previous year.

I think I was 5 the last time I was pleased by the contents of my Kwanzaa stocking. Let me guess, cocoa butter. Gee, thanks, Kwanzaa-spirit.

Kwanzaa was invented by Karenga, to give blacks a chance “to celebrate themselves” instead of Jesus, who he deemed “psychotic.” Then he went to jail for torturing two black women, using a hot soldering iron, a vise and an electrical cord on them for two days. That scene, represented by the sixth day of Kwanzaa (Kuumba, or Creativity) is probably the most disturbing aspect of the Kwanzaa nativity set.

I don’t know — it’s not like I want to get old and cynical about this holiday. It’s fun seeing grandpa put on his Pan-African Power Fez and strut around cussing out all the other races. Grandma usually has one glass of wine too many during the traditional reading of the Principles of Blackness and starts making up black principles, such as “Never ever eat cookies made by your friends' white-devil grandmas.”

During Kwanzaa, I’m supposed to greet people with “Habari Gani,” which is Swahili and basically means, “What’s up?” It’s just seems like a silly affectation to me, especially when the traditional response is, “La kitu lakini ghali nyumba,” which roughly means, “Nothing but the rent.”

And we’re supposed to concentrate on and practice what Karenga called "the sevenfold path of blackness,” which is “Think black, talk black, act black, create black, buy black, vote black, and live black,” which is all well and good, but honestly it freaks our white mailman out big-time. I’m all for walking down the path of blackness, except when that path forces me to pick my mail up at the post office because everyone within two blocks can hear my grandpa’s thoughts about Whitey.

I’m not trying to be a downer for everyone on Kwanzaa, I just get depressed this time of year. I suppose I should just forget the material aspects of the holiday and focus on the reason for the season — the color of my skin. Hey, I’m feeling better already.

Warren Haynes blurs all boundaries between nipple hair, nipple & areola

ASHEVILLE, MONDAY — It would be easy to accuse any musician’s large successful nipples of being derivative of some of the music industry’s biggest nipples — those belonging to Gregg Allman or David Allen Coe, for example — but not when those genre-crossing nipples belong to one of Asheville’s most favored native sons, Warren Haynes.

Widespread Panic bassist Dave Schools, Haynes’ friend and frequent collaborator, sheds some light.

“Warren has taken the human nipple, as well as his music, in unexpected directions,” said Schools, whose own work in chin-neck-jaw-line fusion is widely respected in the industry. “The man lactates pure jam.”

Though audiences have never seen Haynes with his shirt off (which many say would be akin to exposing the wizard behind the curtain), fellow musicians who have spent time offstage with the oft-shirted Haynes insist, “it’s crazy under there.”

“Jerry Garcia really blazed the trail for all of us as far as mind-altering nipple expansion,” said Col. Bruce Hampton. “It looked like somebody fried a couple eggs on Jerry’s chest, but Warren has really cooked up something over easy and extra runny.”

Along with nipples that, along with his riffs, seem to roam free in nearly unrecognizable territory, Haynes also yields a creative, pothole-sized belly button that whispers stunningly beautiful lyrics to the prolific songwriter.

Some critics have derided Haynes’ nipples as “going on and on,” “noodling” and “all over the place, without clear beginning or end.”

Haynes supporters, however, are quick to rise to his defense.

“Look, these ain’t no Zac Efron nipples we’re talking about, all right?” said
Hampton. “You want consumer-friendly, well-contained rosebuds, go somewhere else. You want big, mind-blowing nipples that demand their own tour bus, you go to Warren.”

Warren Haynes' Xmas Jam to introduce time limits for bands this year